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  • Writer's picture Ellen Johnson

Healthy Boundaries around Social Media in your Relationship

Fidelity inside a relationship used to be more black and white. In the age of technology, it’s not always as clear.

Single teens and adults grow used to following attractive individuals on social media, sliding into DMs and liking attractive posts. Nothing feels wrong about that when you’re single or casually dating, right? What about when you start to feel more serious about the person you’re dating? Or you decide to get married? What changes then?

These are conversations we’ve never had to have before now.

What are you comfortable with?

What kind of content do you feel comfortable with your partner following, liking, and engaging with? Does it make a difference if they know the other person or if they’re an influencer or celebrity? Does being in a relationship change how you comment, or who you DM or snap?

As a concerned partner you may wonder, what is too controlling and what is just healthy boundary setting?

It’s a lot to think through! And it’s new territory to navigate.

My suggestion? Take a deep breath and talk about this stuff early with your partner when you both start to feel seriously committed to the relationship. It’s easier to talk about what you feel comfortable with before you’re reacting to something that you’re NOT OKAY WITH. Try to act preventatively. Talk about what your boundaries are around social media and what feels appropriate and healthy for you.

Everyone is different and each relationship will be different. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind or share your same standards automatically. Talk about it. Have the conversation sooner rather than later.

Questions to consider bringing up with your partner about social media:

  1. How does my current use of social media and technology make you feel? Is there anything I’m currently doing on social media that makes you uncomfortable?

  2. What would feel like crossing a line? What would feel like cheating? What would feel appropriate and okay with you?

  3. How do we feel about each other following previous partners (or hook ups) on social media? What about “liking” their content, DMing, or snap chatting with them?

  4. To what extent are we comfortable with each other chatting with others on social media?

  5. If someone sends you or me a message or pic that feels inappropriate on some level, should we share that with each other?

  6. Are there times that we are together that we want to restrict phone usage in order to better connect?

These are just a start. What other questions would you want to add? Whatever they are, don’t be afraid to begin the conversation. :)

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